Sunday, December 27, 2009 '
hate sunday!
It's Sunday again, yet I'm at home doing nth. Haiz... Can imagine the feeling of loneliness when u're at home doing nth? And he was busy the whole day painting his house, didn't really sms him that much. Though ytd I asked him can go out or not, he said he can't go out the whole day coz he need to paint the whole day, I then asked him want go jog or cycle in the evening. He said he will paint till night coz got 2 room, then can't go. My heart a bit sad, but it's ok since he's busy.
Then he said he meeting his friends around 4, my heart sank deeper. Meet friends can, meet me just for that little moment to jog or cycle, not free. Awww~ I didn't mean anything, just want to meet u that little while. Yet u asked your mum coz your friends asked u meet them. =( My heart felt terribly, perhaps I should let u meet ba coz I can't control u much.
Went jogging alone in the evening, he wanted to meet me but I rejected. Coz raining and it's quite late, it's troublesome for him to come and go back home. Think he quite relax ba, meet his friends and still get to play. Yet I'm just so lonely... Wanted to tell him how badly I missed him, but don't think it's the right mood.
Reached home bath, he still have not reach home. Worry for him coz so late le. Called him up, chat with him a while, told him how I felt the whole day. In the end, what I get was a sentence made my heart so pain, "still say u want to change, still say want to be good, after 1 day becomes the same again. " Haiz... When I heard this, jus feel like my heart being pierce by a huge arrow. I didn't change... That's what he meant. Before i hang up, I said bye bye to him, yet what I get was he hang up my phone.
Perhaps I'm that irritating, really wanted to tell him how I feel, wanted to tell him my feelings and loneliness. But what I got was that little 'scolding' from him. Haiz... Nobody understand how I felt at that moment. How I wish I got a hole and hide inside, so that I won't be so miserable, so that i won't feel heartbreaking. Guess he won't know all these... And just don't wish him to know... Perhaps u should experience how I feel... The feeling of loneliness...
~难道跟你说我心里面的话，换来的却是伤心的回答吗？或许藏在心里面就可以了。。。 ~
7:54 PM
Saturday, December 26, 2009 '
No matter how pretty or nice looking the appearance is, inside it, it just seems to be empty. It appears so sweet, appears so lovely and nice, but inside the outer case, everything seems like a stranger. Everything seems so empty inside... Now then I know, it's so hard to live in this world, trying to let the appearance stays as pretty and nice as it could be. Now then I know, everything seems like a stranger to me.
Perhaps I'm the one causing it, perhaps I'm the one who ruin all these. I tried to change, perhaps u didn't see the change in me. But I really do change, it's not say change then change, it's not like miracle one day can change totally. There'll be some remains in it, let time overtake everything, so that u can see the change. But that minamal change of mine, perhaps it's just invicible in u.
~ I'm in a floating boat in a huge ocean. I hope it's raining heavily so that no one knows I'm crying... ~
2:02 AM
Friday, December 25, 2009 '
Merry Christmas!!!
Ho ho ho~ Merry Christmas to everyone!!! Hope everyone did enjoy on this wonderful Christmas day. I did enjoy too, of coz it's with my laogong. ^^ Went cwp with him in the afternoon, though that's the place we always go yet nth to shop about. Nonetheless, we still walk around. =) Went tz with him and we top up our card coz it's double bonus today. Then as usual, I watched him play, which this job I haven't been doing it for around 1 month coz I'm working.
I'm a Santa Claus today to my twinees. Went tz and redeemed 2 set of cooking toys for them and 1 box of Lego bricks, spent quite a number of tickets but it's worth it. ^^ Went home with laogong coz he's staying for dinner at my house. My mum cooked curry chicken coz she knew laogong coming for dinner. And he ate 3 bowls of rice, that's pretty a lot ya? Just glad that he enjoyed tonight's dinner. ^^
Finished eating then I distributed the presents to my twinees, they seemed to love it lots. ^^ Watched them have such a sweet cheers on their face, and made me realised I'm glad to have my twinees coz they're just so adorable. Then sent laogong down and he walked home. Had a wonderful Christmas this year, and I told laogong I want to celebrate it with him every year. And he agreed! XD Next time we'll go for a sumptuous lunch or dinner. Hahaz...
Tml will be going Marina barrage with laogong for an event. I'm such a mountain tortoise coz i have never been to Marina barrage before. Shall have an eye opener tml. ^^
~ My life filled with all sorts of sweetness with you! ~ n.n
10:55 PM
Friday, December 11, 2009 '
19th birthday!
Times flies so fast, and I just past my 19th birthday. This year will be the last year of my teenage life, going to be 20 nxt year. Age start with a 2 in front isn't that nice after all, coz it sounds old. Hahaz... But then luckily my birthday is in dec, and i still get to enjoy being 19 for quite a long time while others will reached their 20 soon. XD
Celebrated my birthday last sunday, organised a bbq at the pit opp my block. Invited my 3 besties (MH, JW & YH), my 2 babes (Wan er and SY), and my 3 good friends that were in the smae class as me for sec 1 and 2 ( YY, Wei Ken and Wee Chang), not to forget SY's bf who was my classmates too (YL). Must thanks everyone for coming over to my bbq despite the busy schedule. Really appreciate it lots and lots.
Actually, the presents that they gave weren't the best of all, it was their presence that made the bbq wonderful and enjoyable. I'm sorry if I'm not a good host, but I hope everyone enjoys the time when we got to get tgt and chat chat. ^^ It's been ages since we met, and I'm glad we met last Sunday.
And and my laogong too, life is so wonderful with him around. Simple love the 2 piglets he gave me for my presents. Hoho¬ Know what? Now my bed is full of soft toys, especially piglets, they flood my bed. Hahaz... And i got 1 small one, 1 piglet in pyjamas, 1 middle one, 1 big piglet shoe where I can put my 2 feet in it, and 1 big Christmas piglet. Wait till I upload my pics then u'll know the piglets on my bed. XD
Oh well¬ Have been busy with work in my preschool, mon to fri, 9 to 6. And can imagine I'm working with kids in nursery and kinder gardens? Hahaz... It's fun anw, coz their laughter really makes my day. But sometimes they are so hard to control that u feel as if your blood vessel will burst any moment. Perhaps that's quite exaggerating, but sometimes u're so angry that u can't get to be angry. Contradicting hor? XD
Shall upload pics soon, quite lazy nowadays. And I got lots of things to do. End of 2009 is coming, so lets treasure every moments of the last part of 2009. Take care! =)
11:15 PM
Friday, November 27, 2009 '
grown up!
Oh well~ It's been 2 weeks since I blog, so shall update about my life for these days. I found a job at tpy, working as an assistant teacher in a preschool, means nursery and kinder garden. Started working for a week or so, and I'm glad that i work there coz working with kids is really great. I was assigned to K1 B class and those kids are really fun. XD I enjoyed my this one week there, and will continue to work there coz I really enjoy the working environment.
People do say children create laughter, and will brighten up the atmosphere. And I agree with this, coz those kids are really such a joy. Sometimes u wouldn't expect what they will do and all that. Ytd was their concert where they got to dance one english song and one chinese song. Before their turn to perform, we were in the class waiting. They were so hyper, ran around, talk to each other.
I experienced a sense of warmth and lovely feeling ytd when I was in the class with the 19 kids waiting for their turn to perform. 1 of the little girls just came to me and sit on my lap naturally, just like very close to me. Soon, a few more kids crowd around me and wanted to talk to me. Though I was only there for 1 week, u can feel that those kids were somehow attached to u and become closer to u as the days go by. And the most happy thing is they remembered my name just 1 day after. ^^
Perhaps that's the motivation for me everyday to wake up early in the morning to go quite a far place to work. Though sometimes I feel sleepy, once I think of those lovely kids, I got the signal to get up of my bed and prepare to have a full lovely day ahead. I guess that was the only motivation for me everyday, and now then I know that my life can be such a wonderful thing as I never experienced it before.
Ever since I work, I don't have much time for u my dear. But then, try to bear with me ya? Try to understand me a little, coz sometimes, I also don't want it to be like that. And am i really a changed person? I also don't understand why, but then, I felt a little ache in my heart when i heard that. Just let it be I guess, time will heal.
~Perhaps I am a changed person... ~
8:58 PM
Tuesday, November 17, 2009 '
happy vs vexed
Today my parents and my 4 sis returned from their trip to HK. Was looking forward to it coz I really miss them lots. Went down to the airport with laogong and my grandma to fetch them. Saw them coming out from the arrival hall, was really happy to see them expecially twinees. Miss the days when they weren't around with me. Hug them when I saw them, but to them, I'm like a stranger, like they don't recognise me somehow.
Saw my dad, but his face was so black, wonder what happen to him. Then took taxi home, my sis told me all the things that happen. Either my dad got some dispute with my mum, or my dad got disputes with my sis all that. Felt a little giddy in the taxi, but then still ok.
Reached home and I felt that home is still the best. But here comes the unhappy part. Don't know why they went HK for 4 days, all came back like alot of days didn't shout or angry. Then keep on shouting and make noise all that, made me feeling super giddy and vexed. My sis bought for me a pink wallet, was really happy about it. And i asked my mum to buy the white colour monkey T-shirt for laogong, they did, was feeling happy at 1st.
But then, asked my sis help clear up the mess the twinees created, she said she busy. So i helped to clean up. Then she asked me to exchange the wallet with her. Coz her friend wanted the pink one, asked me to have the blue one. I'm already vexed, then I told her I don't want it. She said she at first already planned to give me either purple or blue. Then? Still asked me to choose myself the colour I want? =( Forget it ba~
Then my dad said I lied to him last time, said last time we went HK disneyland, I bought a cap for my sis. Actually I bought the cap is for myself, yet he said I lied to him say I bought for my sis. Haiz... Then said about the T-shirt all that. VEXED!!!
Know they're tired after their trip, but can don't say things that made me cried? Tears were rolling down, just felt that though they're at home, I felt so empty and lonely. Wanted to talk lots of things to them, but they seem so busy. =( Though they're at home, I don't know why I can't sense their presence except for their noise and voice. Haiz...
Today wasn't a very good day, don't know why everything don't seem to fix up properly, like missing puzzles here and there. Just hope for a better tml I guess.
~Loneliness in me is still there, wonder when will it go off? ~
11:25 PM
Monday, November 9, 2009 '
empty house~
My house is going to be really empty in just another 5 more days. My whole family except me and my bro will be going to hong kong this coming sat. My dad just won a lucky draw with a free airticket to hong kong. That's why he's bringing my mum, the 3 little ones and my sis to go there again. Since me and my bro just went not long ago, we will be staying here in singapore.
The feeling of loneliness is inside me, coz I know my house will be really quiet during this weekend up till nxt tues. My grandma will be coming to take care o me and my bro. And the whole house will not be as noisy and lively as now. I know I've grown up, but then never in my life have I experienced my house being so quiet. If my uncle doesn't stay with us, and ifmy grandma doesn't come and take care of us, I'll every every moment for that 4 days. Coz my house is really empty.
Oh well~ I just hope they'll have a safe journey to hong kong and come back safely too. I'll miss them pretty alot I guess. And as for sure, if i send them off, u can see my crying and crying non stop even if I reach home. Coz I can't bear to be separated from my parents and my twinees, and of coz bao yi and pei kuan. Awww~ I'm so gonna miss them. ='( While they are busy packing, I'm feeling a little sorrow.
~Nothing could describe my feelings now. A sense of little fear and the feelings of loneliness deep inside me~
9:12 PM
